I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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