You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
