..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize