KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
