make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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