you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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