if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
not ubering you a puppy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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