They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
