just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
