8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize