i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize