Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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