I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
