some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
