Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize