I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
