all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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