can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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