On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
