I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize