this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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