So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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