is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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