Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
