I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
