It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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