The brown eye won't let me do that either.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
