we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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