im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
