i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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