Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
