He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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