i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
