This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
