I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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