I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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