I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize