Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
