Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
