I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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