I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
