He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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