Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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