just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
