the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize