i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
that may or may not have been my penis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
