I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
