hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
