CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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