So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
