She said her name was "party"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She has the best kind of daddy issues
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize