I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
