someone owes me an orgasm
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
