I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
