And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
