I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
