the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
