would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
