U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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