i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
