oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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