come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
