I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
