my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
