:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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