I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
