we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
