She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
