I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Be still, my beating vagina.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize