I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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