Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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