Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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