Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
