just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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