Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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