NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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