sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
