the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
