Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
