why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
