Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
