I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
