I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
