So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
