thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
