That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize