A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
