One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
