exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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