you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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