so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
