if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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