There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
