Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
